St Louis Wedding Officiant Ruth Hasser

Married in St. Louis: Carondelet Park

2012-01-13T14:53:00.000-08:00

When it comes to performing wedding ceremonies, I will go almost anywhere in the St. Louis Metropolitan area. But I have to admit a certain ease with and even a preference for venues in the city. I suppose it has everything to do with the fact that, although I am not currently a resident of the city of St. Louis, I grew up in south city and I have spent most of my adult life as a resident. Today I want introduce you to Carondelet Park.

Located in the southernmost reaches of the city and containing nearly 180 acres, Carondelet Park is bound on the north by Holly Hills, south by Loughborough, east by I55, and west by Leona. The third largest park in the city of St. Louis, Carondelet Park has a long and rich history dating back to its founding in 1875. For those scouting for an outdoor wedding location, be sure to check out the Boathouse Pavilion overlooking Boat Lake. I have officiated at a number of ceremonies there and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the experience each time.

A Thanksgiving Wedding

2011-11-22T10:21:00.000-08:00

Rock and I were married the day after Thanksgiving. It was a simple ceremony and church hall reception, but it was all that we needed it to be as we marked the official beginning of our marriage. This year we have the good fortune to be celebrating our 28th wedding anniversary. We are counting our blessings, for sure.

May this Thanksgiving find you and your family with too many blessings to count!

Coffee Shop Civil Union: Ivan and Jeff

2011-10-31T09:18:00.000-07:00

We had agreed to meet at a coffee shop in Edwardsville last month. It was the simplest ceremony I’ve ever done. But they wanted it that way.

Jeff and Ivan had just celebrated their 14th anniversary as a couple, and now that civil unions are available in Illinois, they wanted legal recognition for their well-seasoned union. I asked them why not have a bigger ceremony and celebration? They smiled and replied, maybe next year for their fifteenth anniversary. We finished up the paperwork and they headed back home to celebrate their union with a few close friends.

It is a privilege and a blessing for me to officiate at ceremonies in which two people vow to love each other for a lifetime. Whenever someone takes a stand for love, whether in a wedding ceremony, civil union, or commitment ceremony, I find that my own commitments to loving relationships are strengthened. Ivan and Jeff, thank you for standing up and celebrating your love!

Wish Upon A Wedding

2011-09-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

Wish Upon a Wedding is the world's first nonprofit organization that provides weddings & vow renewals to couples facing terminal illness and other serious life-altering situations, regardless of sexual orientation. With over 20 chapters across the country, the organization has granted 30 wishes since launching in January of 2010.

From September 15th til October 31st, auction doors will be open to bidders across the nation in the largest charity wedding event of its kind! Featuring hundreds of high-end and unique experiences from the industry's finest, Bid Your Wish for Wedded Bliss has previously been hailed as a luxury shopping experience like no other, drawing thousands of savvy bidders from coast to coast.

With many items starting at just $50, hundreds of amazing wedding deals await the lucky couples who visit the auction.

The Essentials

2011-08-31T15:49:00.000-07:00

It was a small, simple gathering of family and friends. I stood on the porch of a lovely Illinois winery, wind at my back, with a spectacular view of the river. But it was the couple who held our attention. Their vows were straight from the heart, well-rehearsed but still spontaneous, celebrating the delight they have found in one another, the treasure they see standing before them, promising to love each other, come what may.

As I pronounced them “husband and wife,” the kiss was followed by a spur-of-the-moment dance to music carefully selected for its heart-felt lyrics. The essentials were there. The wedding was complete.

The Complimentary Interview

2011-07-30T14:35:00.000-07:00

One of the more pleasant surprises for me in being a Celebrant is just how much I enjoy meeting with couples for a complimentary interview. This usually happens after a couple has contacted me, either by phone or email, expressing an interest in getting to know more about what I do and how I can help them to have a meaningful and personalized wedding ceremony. When the couple is ready to meet, we schedule a meeting at a mutually agreeable date and time, usually at a St. Louis Bread Company, Kaldi’s, or other café. Meeting together gives the couple a chance to ask me any questions they may have as we talk through an outline of options for their wedding ceremony. It gives us an opportunity to get to know each other a little, helping all of us to get a feel for how well we might work together, should the decision be made to hire me as their officiant.

After four years of working as a Celebrant, I find I still look forward to meeting each new couple, learning something about what makes them unique, and enjoying the delight of those times when I am asked to share in one of the most important days in their life together!

Graham Chapel Wedding: Allison & Christopher

2011-06-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

They returned to where it all began. Allison and Chris chose to celebrate their marriage commitment to each other in the magnificent setting of Graham Chapel, on the Washington University campus where they met as undergrads.

Check it out: Allison is wearing a family heirloom wedding dress, originally created for her great-great Grandmother Nellie Campbell Shellito in 1884. She is the 5th bride in her family to wear Nellie’s wedding dress. May the good fortune and happiness of the preceding four marriages in which the dress was worn be bestowed upon Allison and Chris!

Butterfly House Wedding: Trisha & Justin

2011-06-06T12:34:00.000-07:00

They found me on WeddingWire.com while looking for an officiant who would work with them in creating a ceremony that’s “…fun and represents who we are,” said Trisha when we first spoke. Her background is Catholic; his is Jewish, while both share an interest in Buddhist practices. I thoroughly enjoyed creating their ceremony with them and celebrating the joy they have found in one another with all who gathered yesterday morning outside the Butterfly House.

Congratulations, Justin and Trisha!

http://www.weddingwire.com/

“Catering to You” Wedding: Sara & Marlon

2011-04-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

Each time I “pronounce” a couple, I am a bit in awe of what they have just agreed to do and to be for one another. But every once in a while I am surprised by the emotions that show up in me in that moment, as they did recently at the wedding ceremony of Sara and Marlon.

I suppose it has everything to do with the fact that Sara grew up across the street from me and my husband during the sixteen years we lived in the Forest Park Southeast neighborhood. Our families attended the same church for many years, she participated in the church youth group when I was an adult facilitator, and we carpooled together for a year or so to the high school she attended as a student while I worked there as a teacher.

And although she was absolutely stunning when she walked down the aisle toward Marlon as Etta James sang “At Last,” the tears didn’t catch up with me until that moment at the end:

“Sara and Marlon, by the love that has brought you here today, by the vows you have exchanged, and by the integrity of your commitment, in the presence of these witnesses here and in the presence of God, it is my pleasure and my honor to pronounce you husband and wife.”

Photo by Arsenia Tate
http://www.cateringtoyou.com/

Greener Weddings: Earth Day 2011

2011-04-22T10:01:00.000-07:00

More and more of us are coming to the realization that, for the very survival of life on this planet, we need to begin to thinking of every day as “earth day.” This requires bringing a new level of awareness to the impact our everyday decisions make on both the natural world and on our brothers and sisters all over the world.

I have witnessed a growing number of brides and grooms bringing this deepening consciousness to their weddings. They are making choices that include eco-friendly engagement and wedding rings; using recycled paper for everything from invitations to program; and buying organic, locally grown flowers for their ceremony and reception. Some brides are wearing used gowns (vintage, borrowed from a friend, or a family gown); having the reception catered by a vendor using locally grown food; and choosing to have the ceremony and reception in the same location to cut down on driving.

The list goes on. I could write a book. But I don’t need to because there is so much information out there for those who want to pursue greener options for their weddings!

Two books to consider:
Green Wedding: Planning Your Eco-Friendly Celebration, by Miyera Navarro, and
The Green Bride Guide: How to Create an Earth-Friendly Wedding on Any Budget, by Kate L. Harrision.

Support Among Catholics for Same-sex Couples

2011-03-26T12:27:00.000-07:00

From a recent PRRI press release:

“New research by the Public Religion Research Institute has found that American Catholics are in fact more supportive than any other Christian tradition when it comes to favoring legal recognition for same-sex couples, and while there's still some division over whether that recognition should be civil marriage (43%) or civil unions (31%), only 22% are categorically opposed to any form of recognition. This is just one among many findings that show Catholics favor gay rights much more than perhaps thought.”

I am a trained Life-Cycle Celebrant and Wedding Officiant. I perform wedding and commitment ceremonies for couples who are committed to loving each other. And I am also a person whose spiritual family of origin is the Roman Catholic Church. Until reading the results of this research, I thought my support of same-sex couples put me in a minority among American Catholics. Apparently, I am not in the minority. And I couldn’t be more pleased!

Wedding Makes A Splash

2011-03-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

The other day a friend sent me a link to a video of a wedding ceremony in which the best man tripped as he was stepping forward to deliver the rings. It happened at that wonderful, tender moment, just after the bride and groom have exchanged marriage vows, and just before they offered their rings to one another. Not only did the trip and fall look painful for the best man, he took out the bride and the officiant on his way down. To make things worse, they were standing on what looked like small concrete platforms over a pool of water, much like you might find here in the Missouri Botanical Gardens. So not only did the bride and the officiant go down, but they fell backwards into the water. Yikes! Talk about an awkward moment...

Note to self: Never perform ceremonies standing with my back to water.

Off White Indie Wedding Show

2011-02-28T10:34:00.000-08:00

Get your tickets today!

"Apache" Wedding Prayer?

2011-02-23T15:40:00.000-08:00

In doing a little background reading on the Navajo Wedding Vase, I decided to research a popular blessing chosen by a number of couples with whom I have worked. It is most commonly called “The Apache Wedding Prayer," but I was wondering if it was really Apache in origin, because it has also been known as an “Indian Wedding Blessing.” According to author Rebecca Mead, the earliest version of this prayer was written in Western novel Blood Brother, by Elliott Arnold. In 1950 it made its way into a film adaptation of the novel called Broken Arrow, written for the screen by Albert Maltz and starring Jimmy Stewart. Alas, the popular prayer is not from Apache tradition, but has its origins in fiction and in Hollywood.

Nevertheless, feel free to use it if it speaks to you! Here is the version most couples I know have used:

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each will be warmth for the other.
Now you will feel no loneliness,
for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons,
but there are three lives before you:
his life, her life, and your life together.
May beauty surround you both
on the journey ahead and through all the years.
May happiness be your companion
to the place where the river meets the sun.
Go now to your dwelling
to enter into the days of your life together.
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

Real Love

2011-02-08T12:02:00.000-08:00

As we approach another Valentine’s Day, I offer a quotation attributed to author Daphne Rose Kingma, and used at a recent St. Louis wedding:

“For it is in loving, as well as in being loved, that we become most truly ourselves. No matter what we do, say, accomplish, or become, it is our capacity to love that ultimately defines us. In the end, nothing we do or say in this lifetime will matter as much as the way we have loved one another.”

Winter Wedding: Jamie & Dan

2011-02-01T09:21:00.000-08:00

Today’s crazy winter weather reminds me of Jamie and Dan’s recent wedding at The Conservatory in St. Charles http://www.gardenwedding.com/ . We had freezing rain the night of the rehearsal, causing some members of the bridal party to take rooms nearby, rather than risk the slippery trip home. But on the night of their wedding, it was 20 something degrees outside, clear and cold. Inside the beautiful and heated tropical glass gardenhouse, all were warm and aglow with the joy and love of the newlyweds, captured so beautifully by Ryan Gladstone Photography http://www.ryangladstonephoto.com/ .

Congratulations, Jamie & Dan!

A Garden Wedding in Winter

2010-12-21T13:17:00.001-08:00

If you want to have a lovely garden wedding in the St. Louis area any time of year, one of your best options can be found at The Conservatory in the Historic District on Main Street in St. Charles. The staff is friendly, courteous, and professional. And the surroundings are simply gorgeous! It is especially lovely to be warm and cozy inside surrounded by lush greenery, while the weather outside is doing its cold, wintry thing.

I took this picture just before a ceremony this past Saturday. For more photos and information on this charming wedding venue, see www.gardenwedding.com .

Winter Wedding Weather Forecast

2010-12-16T08:35:00.000-08:00

Whether or not the weather will interfere with your wedding plans is always an issue to one degree or another (pun intended). Of course, if you are planning an outdoor ceremony weather automatically becomes a more significant factor, whatever the season. But during the winter months, weather can become a challenge for anyone’s wedding plans because of nasty things like freezing rain, ice storms, or simply your basic blizzard. Your guests may end up waiting in airports, stuck in hotels, or unable to get out of their own driveways. So why plan a winter wedding?

The reasons can be many and varied, but here are a few. Sometimes it’s just a timing issue related to many other complex factors in the couples’ life together. Other times couples choose winter because they can get reduced rates on just about everything during “off season” for the wedding industry, having their dream wedding for a fraction of the cost of a spring, summer, or autumn wedding. And then there are those who just love winter and want to celebrate their love for each other during their favorite season.

Since no one I know has figured out how to control the weather, couples who want to plan their weddings for the winter months should just roll the dice and take whatever comes their way. In St. Louis, although you could get freezing rain, an ice storm, or a blizzard, chances are you could also get one of those crazy winter days with lots of sunshine when the temperature hits 50. Either way, it is good practice for married life, where couples agree to hang in there with each other with no available accurate forecast for what the future will bring!

Shopping for Your Wedding?

2010-11-29T12:22:00.000-08:00

CALLING ALL SHOPPERS!

Less than 2 days left to score amazing deals while donating to Wish Upon a Wedding

Auction CLOSES at 11:59 pm PST on November 30th
Don't miss out on the Wish Upon a Wedding Cyber Monday-Tuesday Online Auction Deals! Help us make wedding wishes come true this holiday season.

Find awesome gifts including
Invitations, Custom Card Boxes, Favors, Custom Aisle Runners and MORE

Surprise your special someone with an incredible vacation - or give the gift of a honeymoon!

Click here to bid:
https://www.biddingforgood.com/auction/AuctionHome.action?auctionId=115386483

Gratitude

2010-11-23T15:49:00.000-08:00

As another Thanksgiving rolls around, I find I have much for which to be grateful. As far as my Celebrant work is concerned, I am deeply appreciative of the fifty-two couples who entrusted their wedding ceremonies to me this year. Each one unique, each one a delight. Do I have an amazing job, or what?

And, speaking of weddings and Thanksgiving, my husband and I were married the Friday after Thanksgiving in 1983. Of course this means that our anniversary falls on Thanksgiving Day from time to time. So, this Thursday we will celebrate our twenty-seventh year of marriage. Time does fly, when you’re having fun!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Take Me Out to the ... Wedding?

2010-11-12T15:48:00.000-08:00

Recently I had the opportunity to officiate at a wedding at home plate in Busch Stadium. Now, it might not be the first place most people think of when considering options for wedding venues. But for two die-hard Cardinal fans, it can be the perfect place. The staff was friendly, knowledgeable, and professional. And Fredbird even dressed for the occasion in a white jacket!

For more information, go to http://stlouis.cardinals.mlb.com/stl/ballpark/
Scroll down the page and click on “nonbaseball events,” then click on “weddings.”

Now, that’s a winner!

Love Is Forever

2010-11-05T08:14:00.001-07:00

On my birthday, the following inscription from an old sun dial has caught my attention:

Time flies,
suns rise
and
shadows
fall.
Let time
go by.
Love is
forever.

Tower Grove Park Wedding: Emily & Edis

2010-10-25T15:25:00.000-07:00

I met Emily and Edis in late August after their original church wedding plans had fallen through. They were a little concerned, with less than two months to go, that everything could still come together for their October 2 wedding. But with a lot of hard work on everyone’s part, their ceremony at Piper Palm House in Tower Grove Park was just beautiful.

As you check out the photo from that day, notice the most nontraditional aspect of their wedding: no bridesmaids!

Congratulations, Emily & Edis!

Strength to Love

2010-10-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, a couple surprises and delights me with a reading selection for their wedding ceremony that is outside the traditional and even less traditional readings with which I have grown familiar. Will and Rachel did just that a few weeks ago with a selection from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s book, Strength to Love, written in 1963. Enjoy!

"The meaning of love is not to be confused with some sentimental outpouring. Love is something much more than emotional bosh. An overflowing love which seeks nothing in return, is the love of God operating in the human heart. Love is the most durable power in the world . . . the most potent instrument available in mankind’s quest for peace and security. The strongest man-made empire has crumbled and burned to ashes. But the empire of God, built solidly and majestically on the foundation of love, is still growing."

Plan Your Wedding While Helping Someone Else

2010-10-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

Online Fund Raising Auctions are now OPEN across America!

Getting Married? For the first time in history, you can plan your wedding from virtually any major city in the United States, hiring the top wedding vendors in the industry and knowing that the money you spend is benefiting someone in need.

Just looking for a great deal? Check out our auctions for hundreds of other items including amazing trips, jewelry, spa treatments, dinners, entertainment and MORE... Even if you are not planning a wedding, we have what you are looking for!

Who will you be helping? Your bid helps raise crucial funding for Wish Upon a Wedding: the world's first nonprofit organization that provides weddings & vow renewals for couples facing terminal illness and other serious life altering circumstances. Launched in January of 2010, Wish Upon a Wedding has already impacted hundreds of lives by offering hope, courage and strength to couples facing some of life's most challenging situations.

What is available? Find everything needed right here to plan your own perfect wedding day! Just by planning your wedding, YOU can make wedding wishes come true for some very deserving couples! All proceeds go directly to Wish Upon a Wedding.

Wish Upon a Wedding is a nonprofit organization dedicated to granting weddings for those battling life-threatening illnesses and life-altering situations, regardless of sexual orientation. Our foundation was created to celebrate the courage, determination and spirit of these couples by granting their dream wedding wishes. Our hope is that chosen recipients can inspire others couples facing similar situations to find hope and strength, without having to put their wedding dreams on hold.

Shrine Wedding: Kim & David

2010-09-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

The Lourdes Grotto at the Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows in Belleville, Illinois was just the right setting for Kim and David to say “I do!” On a warm late summer evening, surrounded by candles, flowers, family, and friends, the bride and groom glowed as they exchanged vows, rings, and kisses.

Congratulations, Kim and David!

May I Have Your References, Please?

2010-08-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

Last week I had four last-minute Autumnal weddings come my way in two days’ time, three for September and one for early October. I certainly look forward to working with each of these couples!

At the same time, I was amazed by the fact that three out of the four couples had found their way to me after having the unnerving experience with their previous officiant not only pulling out at the last minute, but also not providing any suggestions or guidance as to how to find a replacement officiant. It strikes me as rather unprofessional and downright rude to put people in such a difficult position so close to their scheduled wedding date. I’m rather stunned that these officiants appear to have taken their commitments to these couples so lightly.

So I just want to remind couples that when looking for an officiant for your wedding ceremony, it is a good idea to ask for references so that you can contact people who have actually worked with her or him before. Of course, I cannot say for sure that checking references would have made a significant difference for any of the couples I met last week. Each was coming from a unique situation which may or may not have been clarified ahead of time with the help of references.

But, in light of the key role that your officiant plays in your wedding day, it will likely be well worth it to take a little extra time earlier in your process of selecting an officiant to contact a several of her or his references. This way you can be assured that you have made the best selection possible.

Certainly I know that even with the best references, you cannot be 100% sure of anything. But at least you will know that you have done everything you can to be assured of the quality and reliability of your wedding officiant, so that you can have the meaningful and personal wedding ceremony you so richly deserve.

"A Lovely and Special Celebration"

2010-08-17T15:52:00.000-07:00

Angela Pechenino Romo sent the following testimonial and photo:

"We used Ruth Ellen Hasser from St. Louis Ceremonies for our May 22, 2010 wedding at the St. Louis Zoo. Ruth Ellen was basically a pinch-hitter for us—our original officiant decided to take a sabbatical and kindly arranged for us to have Ruth Ellen stand in instead. Being as I was in California attempting to plan a wedding in Missouri, we didn’t meet right away, but corresponded by e-mail for a few months until I was next in town. We first met at a St Louis Bread about 2 months before the wedding, and the moment we did, it felt like we’d been friends for years. She was very kind and considerate and she certainly helped me turn my 'I want a simple ceremony' sentiment into a lovely and special celebration. We corresponded via e-mail, sending ideas and scripts back and forth about 3 times before we were both satisfied that my groom and I had what we wanted. The groom and I waffled about having a rehearsal the day before the wedding until a couple of weeks before the big day, and when we finally decided that we needed to have one, Ruth Ellen was nothing but understanding and gracious, and showed up with a smile to run our short but sweet rehearsal. The ceremony on the day of the wedding went off exactly as we had discussed, and she never veered from our agreed-upon script. Through the entire process, she was calm and helpful, and my groom and I never once had any doubt that she was the correct person to marry us. We would certainly still be married if another person had performed the ceremony, but Ruth Ellen really made the day a special one."

Thanks, Angela!

Botanical Gardens Wedding: Valerie & Jon

2010-08-09T15:22:00.000-07:00

They chose one of my favorite readings for their wedding: Robert Fulgham’s “Union.” I think it is a favorite of mine because, among other things, it shows an appreciation for the importance of both words and ceremony in our lives. The reading concludes with this thought:

Before this moment you have been many things to one another- acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this- is my husband, this- is my wife.

Valerie and Jon, thank you for allowing me to witness your crossing of that threshold. Congratulations!

Tower Grove Park Wedding:Rachel & Chris

2010-07-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

When planning an outdoor wedding there is always the concern that it might rain and ruin all of the dreaming and hard work that goes into having a good ceremony. Well, this was one wedding where the rain actually became a part of the ceremony in lovely and unpredictable ways.

Everyone was ready and in place for the 5:00 PM ceremony when, at 4:50 PM the skies opened up. It was a hard, driving rain so we scrambled and scrunched together on the bandstand hoping to wait it out. When, after twenty minutes the sky was as grey as ever and the rain had let up very little, we decided to have the ceremony right there on the bandstand.

Somehow the guests rearranged themselves to create a space and the processional began. The unplugged musicians played as the bridesmaids processed, umbrellas in one hand and flowers in the other. Rachel was escorted by her parents to where Chris, the groomsmen and I were all waiting. The intimate scene took on an almost mystical quality as we conducted the ceremony so carefully planned by the bride and groom, accompanied by the rain and the wind and the good wishes of all in attendance.

Donnell Probst Photography captured the romance and beauty of this couple and the amazing day in their stunning images. http://donnellprobst.com/

Congratulations, Rachel and Chris!

Pass This On...

2010-07-22T12:52:00.000-07:00

I received the following press release today. Please pass this on to anyone you know who may qualify for these services!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
San Francisco, CA
July 22, 2010

Six-month old nonprofit organization Wish Upon a Wedding announced today that it will broaden its scope of services, in order to assist more couples in need. Although its primary focus continues to provide weddings for terminally ill individuals regardless of sexual orientation, the organization will soon help those faced with other personal burdens, such as serious emotional, physical or other debilitating issues.

Due to a significant number of requests, Wish Upon a Wedding will now provide a limited number of weddings to inspirational couples that have experienced these catastrophic life-altering circumstances.

Beginning July 22, 2010, the nonprofit will grant these wishes on a case-by-case basis. Applicants will undergo a detailed screening process, and will be required to provide medical proof of their situation. Because the organization is new and still in growth mode, Wish Upon a Wedding will only be able to grant a limited number of wishes per year, at chapter discretion, and only the most compelling cases as determined by chapter boards will be considered.

"By partnering with Wish Upon a Wedding, Get Married’s goal is to help connect talented, local wedding professionals in order to offer couples in their communities with a dream wedding and turn tragedy into triumph,” said Stacie Francombe, national public relations chair and founder of Get Married Media. "By opening up new doors to more deserving couples with a variety of life-changing challenges, the wedding industry is sharing their commitment to their profession, to these individuals and to the idea that dreams do come true for any couple in love."

Until now, the 501(c) 3 nonprofit has provided weddings for individuals diagnosed with less than three years' prognosis. That stipulation has been adjusted to a five year diagnosis. The organizationwill also allow couples seeking vow renewal celebrations to apply for wishes. Wish Upon a Wedding is looking forward to this change and believes this will have a positive impact on hundreds of lives, by providing the opportunity for a celebration of life and love with those most important to them.

Wish Upon a Wedding is now accepting applications from:
* Couples where at least one individual has terminal diagnosis of less than FIVE years to live
* Couples faced with situations that have caused serious emotional, physical or financial stress (approved on case by case basis)
* Married couples seeking vow renewals, who have faced serious life-altering circumstances including but not limited to terminal illness (approved on a case by case basis).

All applicants must be over the age of 18 and legal U.S. Citizens.

Mission Statement:Wish Upon a Wedding is the world's first nonprofit wish granting organization, providing weddings and vow renewals for couples facing terminal illness and life altering circumstances, regardless of sexual orientation.To fill out an application, click this link:
http://www.formstack.com/forms/?982045-mrBk8ziGiK

With 12 active chapters and 2,500 Wish Granters, we are ready to grant wishes today!

Contact Information:
Liz Guthrie, Founder
cwo@wishuponawedding.org
877-305-WISH

Tower Grove Park Wedding: Katie & Jason

2010-07-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

Theirs was a simple, lovely, and unique ceremony at the Bandstand in Tower Grove Park. With bamboo fans in hand, guests created a breeze while treated to Mark Twain’s “A Marriage,” a traditional Irish blessing, as well as the “Wooden Box Ceremony” for the unity ritual (see blog entry for September 12, 2009). The wedding was immediately followed by a reception picnic at the Turkish Pavilion. A good time was had by all.

Congratulations, Katie and Jason!

Jewel Box Wedding: Sanja & Michael

2010-07-10T12:07:00.001-07:00

With an eye for detail and a profound awareness of the importance of ritual, Sanja and Michael carefully planned their wedding ceremony. It was a beautiful day both inside and outside of one of Forest Park’s greatest gems, the Jewel Box. The photo above shows a beaming bride and groom greeting guests following their lovely ceremony. Congratulations, Sanja and Michael!

Raelynn and Michael

2010-06-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

It was a gorgeous sunny day with the temperature in the mid-80’s in New Haven, Missouri. An intimate group of immediate family members of the bride and groom gathered at the Kemp family farm for Raelynn and Mike’s wedding. After I offered a few introductory remarks and an opening prayer, Raelynn began by sharing a few thoughts on their journey as a couple. Then it was time for family to offer readings, reflections, and stories about marriage. What a delight! We laughed, shed a few tears, and marveled at the beauty of this moment in time. Finally, original vows were exchanged between Raelynn and Mike, then champagne and cake were shared by all. What a lovely way to begin a marriage!

Wish Upon A Wedding

2010-06-08T17:31:00.000-07:00

I recently applied to join this organization. Take a look and see if you would like to offer a donation of time or money. Even if you are not a vendor, your money is still good! The following is from their current campaign:

Wish Upon a Wedding, the world's first nonprofit wedding wish granting organization, is asking for the support of wedding vendors and industry professionals. This new organization, dubbed “the Wedding Industry’s Charity”, provides weddings for individuals facing life-threatening illness, at destinations across the United States, regardless of sexual orientation.

By donating just 1% of any sale (or 1% of your profits from one event), you can help Wish Upon a Wedding grant these very special wishes. Participants will be recognized for their generosity with an I support the Wishing Well badge.Launched in January of this year, the organization now receives new wedding wish requests on a weekly basis. Currently lacking the funds needed to bring long distance families together, these special celebrations may often be missing something (or someone). One of the organization’s goals is to fly up to four family members or loved ones to the weddings of every Wish Recipient, so they can spend a few days with those who matter most. There are many other expenses that Wish Upon a Wedding would like to cover as well, but they need YOUR help.Founder Liz Guthrie explains, “Many people facing life threatening illness do not have the money or resources to plan a wedding. At last, the wedding industry has joined forces- and together we are making some incredibly special wedding wishes come true, by providing the celebration of one of life’s biggest milestones.” Guthrie adds, “No matter what the setting, Wish Upon a Wedding wants to provide everything necessary for these individuals, including making sure they are surrounded by their most special family and friends.”

It’s really easy! To participate, visit the following link: http://wishuponawedding.org/how-to-help/isupport-the-wishing-well/

Angela and Brian

2010-06-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

Did you ever wonder what goes on at the St. Louis Zoo after hours? Well, I don’t know what happens most nights, but I do know one thing that happened on May 22, 2010: Angela and Brian were married in a lovely ceremony at the Lakeside Café.

Congratulations, Angela and Brian!

Valerie and Andrew

2010-05-26T15:09:00.000-07:00

It was a sunny and gorgeous May 22 at the Missouri Botanical Gardens’ Boxwood Gazebo. An intimate gathering of their families witnessed Valerie and Andrew exchange vows in a simple and casual ceremony. This photo conveys both the radiance of the couple and the lush garden which was the setting for their wedding.

Congratulations!

Grow Old With Me

2010-05-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

The other day I was going through a box which contained letters and postcards from early in my parents’ marriage when Dad was stationed in Heidelberg. Among these now 1950’s vintage postcards with scenes from France, Italy, Switzerland, and Germany was this lovely photo of an older couple. Something about it has captivated me and I guess it captivated my parents, too. It makes me think of the hopefulness I hear expressed by so many couples who are about to be married. Part of that hope usually includes the desire to grow old together. And, of course, no one wants to grow old with someone they no longer love. This photo, filled with affection and tenderness, speaks to the hope that love can grow, deepen, and mature with the years.

Of course, being a person who usually has my own personal soundtrack running in my head (who needs an iPod?), looking at the photo is always accompanied by John Lennon’s song, “Grow Old With Me.”

Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love

Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our love

Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end

Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our love

Sam & Rob

2010-05-05T16:19:00.000-07:00

It was the first wedding at which I have officiated in which both Homer Simpson and William Shakespeare were quoted, and done so quite effectively, I might add!

I had a pretty good clue that this was going to be a fun wedding when at our first meeting Rob wanted to know at what point in the ceremony I would say the line about objections. I told him I had long ago dropped that line from my ceremony scripts. “Oh, I want it there,” he exclaimed, “because I want to be able to glare out at our guests with a look that says, ‘Don’t you dare!’” And so, this past Saturday when I asked their guests, “If any person here today can show just cause as to why this couple may not be joined together in marriage – speak now or forever hold your peace!” both the bride and groom swept the room with intense gazes, prompting everyone to laughter.

We had additional opportunities to laugh in this light yet serious ceremony at Graham Chapel on the campus of Washington University. Samantha and Robert declared their love for one another using original vows (that’s where Homer Simpson came in), making clear that, though done playfully, this bride and groom have very serious intentions toward building a life together. It was a ceremony created in true Celebrant style – clearly the bride and the groom were in charge – and everyone loved it!

Marriage Vow Renewal

2010-04-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

Recently I was contacted by a couple who were interested in a vow renewal ceremony for themselves. When they told me how long they had been married – less than a year – I knew there was a story there. We met for coffee and as we talked they shared a bit of that story with me.

It quickly became clear to me that some profoundly significant changes had occurred in this couple's understanding of their relationship since the wedding day. And because they believed that these changes were for the better, they wanted to declare anew their commitment to one another and to growing this marriage. It was important to them to signify the deepening of their relationship by having a private ceremony asking God to bless and strengthen their bond.

And so we gathered, all three of us, as they declared their love for one another and for the children each has brought into the marriage. It was a privilege for me to witness this love, and a wonderful gift this couple has given to themselves and to their children by renewing their marriage vows.

Off White Indie Wedding Show Report

2010-04-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

Well, it was just as good as I had hoped it would be, with a much larger attendance than I had anticipated. Luckily, I had plenty of business cards and the handouts held out!

If you would like a sample of some of the creative and talented professionals who assembled at The Luminary Center for the Arts this past Saturday, check out this list of sponsor websites:

http://breaphotography.com/
http://charm-boutique.com/
http://firecrackerpress.com/
http://theluminaryarts.com/
http://scarlettgarnet.com/
http://yelp.com/stlouis
http://thecakerybakery.net/

Enjoy exploring some of the possibilities for your wedding celebration!

Crystal & Dean

2010-03-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

It was less than four weeks before their wedding day when Crystal and Dean were informed that their original wedding officiant would be unable to perform the ceremony. They were referred to me and, though a bit shaken by the transition, we were able to work together to create a simple, lovely ceremony at Glen Echo Country Club. It was a cold, clear, and crisp January 30 when we gathered in front of the huge fireplace, warmed by both the love of the bride and groom, and a pretty good fire, too! Von DeVore Photography caught the mood in this lovely shot.

“We were so happy with every part of your service. You gave us exactly what we had imagined for ourselves. We really appreciated how you kept us calm and walked us through every step of the process. Our wedding was beautiful and we are so happy that you were the one to marry us.” - Crystal & Dean Blaker

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2010-03-24T04:51:00.001-07:00

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Welcome, Spring!

2010-03-20T06:55:00.000-07:00

As I talk with brides and grooms about their spring and summer weddings, it is sometimes hard to imagine that it will be warm enough again for these outdoor ceremonies. It has felt like a longer, colder winter than we have been used to around here in recent years. I know that we have not had it as rough as other parts of the country where they were slammed with snowstorm after snowstorm. Nonetheless, everyone I know is grateful to see the first signs of spring all around us, more sunny days, and warmer temperatures.

On this day of the Vernal Equinox, I share this prayer borrowed in part from the Chinook Psalter:

O Lord, may we today be touched by grace, fascinated and moved by this your creation, energized by the power of new growth at work in your world.

May we move beyond viewing this life only through a frame, but touch it and be touched by it, know it and be known by it, love it and be loved by it.

May our bodies, our minds, our spirits, learn a new rhythm paced by the rhythmic pulse of the whole created order.

May spring come to us, be in us, and recreate life in us.

Amen!

Off White Indie Wedding Show

2010-03-12T14:21:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make: I’m not a big fan of wedding shows. In fact, I’ve never gone to one, as either a customer or a vendor. But when I first became aware of the upcoming Off White Indie Wedding Show, I knew this was going to be something different and exciting.

The following is from their website:

http://offwhiteweddingshow.com/

Off White is the St. Louis area’s first indie wedding show, bringing together independent minded couples with local, green, independent vendors and artists.

Taking place at The Luminary Center for the Arts, the event will showcase 30 local and independent designers, retailers and vendors with services that let couples express their personality on the big day! The first 100 couples will receive a free, reusable goodie bag and all attendees are eligible for raffle and attendance prizes during the show. A line-up of experiential events allow brides to touch, taste, and feel the creative options; fashion shows, mini dance lessons, cake decorating demonstrations and wine tastings will be scheduled throughout the day.

Traditional couples and off beat duos will both find vendors to fill a niche in their wedding planning. The goal is not to just cater to those wanting an all-out indie wedding, but to introduce couples who want a more traditional wedding to unique touches and alternatives that they can incorporate into their events as well.

04.03.10 $5 in advance and $8 at the door 11am-4pm The Luminary 4900 Reber Place, 63139

Advance tickets available here: http://brownpapertickets.com/event/94455

Get your tickets now. I’ll see you there!

Love at First Sip

2010-02-26T13:42:00.000-08:00

Last night I had the most fabulous cup of hot chocolate in my life to date. I do not consider myself a connoisseur of all things chocolate but my love affair with chocolate began in utero and continues to this day.

Needless to say, I was thrilled to be invited to an interview with a couple at Café Cioccolato in downtown St. Louis. This “luxurious European chocolate, wine, and dessert lounge” wooed me with tantalizing aromas from the moment I stepped in the door. Not only was I presented with delicious options to eat and drink, I was surrounded by art – paintings and sculptures!

So here I am in this “chocolate café in a beautiful art gallery setting.” I was treated to a cup of hot dark chocolate, topped with a handcrafted marshmallow so divine that I was distracted from the interview several times as I tried to lick every little bit of it from my lips after each sip. Despite my distractions, we managed to have a productive and delightful interview. As I was preparing to leave I learned that Café Cioccolato can host up to 150 people for special events.

To all of you chocolate lovers who are planning weddings and looking for a unique and intimate setting for your small wedding or bridal shower, check out this delicious gem in downtown St. Louis, 816 Olive, right across from the Old Post Office building. For more information call 314-345-1200 or go to http://www.cafecioccolato.com/ .

Valentine’s Day 2010

2010-02-18T14:41:00.000-08:00

It was my first group wedding. I imagine that it was a first group wedding for the couples, too! We were at Windows Off Washington and a light snow was falling outside. There were seven couples standing in front of me. None of them knew the other couples present, but when the brides and grooms looked into each others’ eyes, it really didn’t matter. What did matter was that they had chosen to be there together, ready and willing to commit their lives to one another.

Shortly after noon, the ceremony began. Among other things, I shared the following thoughts with them:

This is not the first time St. Louis has seen a group wedding, and I would be willing to guess it will not be the last. By participating in this wedding ceremony, you join with a growing number of couples from all over the world getting married in large, public ceremonies: from Santa Ana, California to Baghdad, Iraq; from Gaza in Palestine to Beichuan in China; from 30 Navy and Marine couples this past June to a gathering in Soulard yesterday– mass weddings are becoming just one more way to say “I do!”
But no matter how you say it, where you say it, or what you spend on your wedding celebration, today is one of the most important days of your life. Yet we all know that, as important as this day is, what is most important is how you will choose to live out the vows you take today.

And so they said their vows, exchanged rings, and began married life with a kiss, a dance, and a glass of champagne. Families looked on from the sidelines, snapping photos and cheering the newlyweds.

Not a bad way to spend Valentine’s Day, eh?

How Much Do You Charge?

2010-02-05T11:11:00.000-08:00

'Tis the season for wedding planning. Ask any wedding vendor and she or he will tell you that we are getting lots of emails and phone calls these days from couples hammering out the essential details for their wedding celebrations coming up in the next six to eighteen months.

One of the first and sometimes the only question I get from an inquirer is “How much do you charge for a wedding ceremony?” While I certainly understand the concerns of many brides and grooms for keeping costs down, especially in these tight economic times, I am saddened that so many seem so willing to cut corners on something as important as the ceremony. In fact, in all of the articles I have read about how to have a low budget wedding, I have yet to see an author recommend hiring the cheapest officiant you can find!

Of course, I understand that not everyone is in a position to have the ceremony of their dreams. Sometimes finances and other circumstances dictate paying as little as possible. And there are many wonderful officiants who offer their services and structure their fees specifically to accommodate the needs of these couples.

But those couples who do have options regarding how they spend their budgeted amount for one of the most important days of their lives should not overlook the key role the officiant plays in setting the tone for that special day. The wedding ceremony attempts to put something into words and rituals (lifetime committed love) that is nearly impossible to express. Couples should be sure to take the time to find someone who is willing to work with them to create a ceremony which will reflect the meaning they have found in joining their lives together in marriage. Do not settle for less than an officiant who has both the experience and the desire to design a truly customized and personalized ceremony.

Will such a ceremony cost a little more? Probably. Is it worth it to pay for the experience and training which will insure that your wedding ceremony is meaningful and memorable? That’s what you get to decide. But ask any couple who has had such a ceremony and they will likely tell you, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Shannon, Tobin, Milan, and Me

2010-01-27T14:31:00.001-08:00

There was a tremendous rainstorm that poured down on Lafayette Square Park less than an hour before Shannon and Tobin were scheduled to be married on that amazing September day. Yet, here we are half way through the ceremony: the sun is shining, Milan is with his people, and all is well!

From the bride and groom:

"Ruth did a fantastic job of guiding us in the right direction, yet allowing us the freedom to curtail our ceremony to be exactly how we wanted it. She was a pleasure to work with during the planning, rehearsal, and wedding day. Ruth is professional and timely. She 'goes with the flow' and is flexible to needs, wants or any ideas you can dream up. We highly recommend Ruth's services. She worked perfectly in our quirky, fun, park ceremony!"

-Tobin and Shannon Lichti, St. Louis, MO

Daily Miracles

2010-01-22T09:24:00.000-08:00

I found this challenging gem today:

"And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy." - Kahlil Gibran

The People of Haiti Need You

2010-01-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

Today I am praying for the people of Haiti, a strong and beautiful people, many of whom live a level of poverty unimagineable to most North Americans. Now they suffer even more deeply following such a devastating earthquake. If you are someone who believes in prayer, please include them in your prayers. If you have some extra change to spare, please forward it toward relief efforts.

For information about trustworthy aid organizations which will use your financial contributions wisely, see Sarah Van Gelder's blog with the Huffinton Post. http://http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-van-gelder/what-you-can-do-for-haiti_b_422058.html

New Year 2010, Parte Dos

2010-01-05T06:51:00.000-08:00

I am excited about the possibilities for my Celebrant work in 2010. Here are some of the things I am considering:

There were a number of weddings I officiated this past year where everyone could have benefitted from the use of a sound system. I believe that I could be heard (my fifteen years in the classroom and several years of community theatre taught me a lot about projecting my voice!), but the bride and groom and readers were not always able to be heard. So I think it is time to look into getting my own sound system.

I would like to offer couples the option to use a credit or debit card to pay for my services. I know that there can be all kinds of crazy fees involved in doing this, but if I can figure out a way to make it work for St. Louis Ceremonies, I will.

I am going to develop my Spanish-speaking and comprehension skills. My recent experience with a December wedding stirred an interest in me for speaking this language that a growing number of new St. Louisans speak as their original language. If I work hard, perhaps a year from now I will be able to say that I offer bi-lingual ceremonies. OK, maybe two years from now, but eventually I hope to make this happen!

I have signed up to take “Funerals and other Ceremonies for Healing” this winter from the Celebrant Foundation and Institute. Once I receive certification, I look forward to expanding my Celebrant practice into funerals, memorials, and other ceremonies to assist people with some of the more difficult transitions and losses that are a part of being human.

If this year is anything like the last, I know it will be filled with more of the wonders and blessings that are at the heart of celebrating life’s most profound moments. I can’t imagine doing anything else!

The New Year 2010

2010-01-01T13:49:00.000-08:00

This past year has flown by, as they all seem to these days. Recalling twenty-five weddings and one memorial service in 2009 brings on a rush of memories and feelings. As I reflect back I am grateful for so much.

First I want to say thanks to all of you who trusted me with your wedding ceremonies in 2009. I feel privileged to have worked with you to create some truly lovely and meaningful ceremonies.

Regarding St. Louis Ceremonies, I find I am most grateful for the people who have helped me to get things rolling this year. The list is long so I won’t attempt to name everyone who has shown me so much support and encouragement, but I do want to mention a few:

Thanks to local Celebrant extraordinaire Lamira Martin, from whom I received over thirty leads this year. I am most grateful for the wisdom of her experience and for her refreshing lightness of being!

In preparing to set up my website, my St. Louis friend Andrew Wimmer and Seattle Celebrant Annemarie Juhlian were invaluable in providing me with guidance and suggestions as I went through the early stages of website development. As the website vision moved toward a reality, Zoe Feast of Indigo Image helped me to pull it all together. My deep gratitude goes out to you all.

And, finally, none of this would be happening as smoothly as it has been without the constant support of my husband, Rocky. He has been on board this Celebrant project 100% from the start. Rockmeister, you are the man!

Christmas 2009

2009-12-25T13:41:00.000-08:00

To all who celebrate the holy feast of Christmas: may you know peace and joy this day and throughout the new year to come!

"Behold, the dreamer cometh." - Genesis 37:19

Mi Espanol Es Primitivo

2009-12-18T13:53:00.000-08:00

This week finds me working on my Spanish speaking skills. Are you surprised? Well, I am! Yes, I took ten hours of college credit Spanish as an undergrad oh so many years ago. But, like many of my peers, I took the courses but never practiced further than I needed in order to pass. And truly, in late ‘70’s St. Louis, there were not many opportunities to connect with people whose first language was Spanish.

But along comes a wedding between a native St. Louisan and a native of Columbia (the country, not Columbia, Missouri!). Upon learning that some members of the bride’s family are travelling here for the wedding, knowing little to no English, I decided to dust off my language skills in order to have some parts of the ceremony be bi-lingual. Thanks to the Microsoft Word program which offers translations and to the bride who made some adjustments, I will be speaking, for better and for worse, some Spanish at tomorrow night’s ceremony.

I'm glad that those ten hours of Spanish has finally paid off!

Happy Hanukkah

2009-12-11T15:34:00.000-08:00

Tonight at sundown begins Hanukkah. For the next eight nights, those who observe this Jewish holiday will celebrate a Festival of Light. They will remember the miracle that occurred when the Maccabees, though surrounded by their enemies, were able to keep the altar lit for eight days and nights, even though they only had enough oil to burn for one night.

May all who celebrate Hanukkah be blessed by love and light in their families, in their souls, and in their lives!

Seasonal Blessings

2009-12-01T13:59:00.000-08:00

Although today is December 1, I have just pulled four carrots out of my garden along with enough lettuce for this evening’s salad. I’ll admit that it’s a little bit of a stretch for me to embrace the yuletide season when the previous seasons’ gifts are still pouring in, not only from my kitchen garden, but in the form of photos and testimonials from my summer and autumn weddings. It’s been a year of delightful wedding ceremonies with a variety of couples from all over the metro area and beyond.

I am counting my blessings, a good thing to do this time of year when our national holiday of Thanksgiving flows right into the other holidays of Hanukkah, Kwanza, Christmas, and New Years Day. I’ve never been much of a shopper, so a series of decisions which Rock and I have made over the years to step back from some of the commercialization of these holidays has left me with more time to enjoy the visitors, the gatherings, and the food of these days.

To those of you who have chosen the holidays for your wedding ceremony, my best advice is to keep breathing and to keep your eyes on the prize which is your marriage, not your wedding day!

To those of you who will become engaged during the holidays, I congratulate you on taking such a momentous step in your lives.

To all of us, may the holidays become a time to not only count our blessings, but to find ways to share them with others.

We've Come This Far By Faith

2009-11-24T07:33:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow will be my 26th wedding anniversary. Wow. Since I had just turned 26 a few weeks before my wedding day, this means that I have now been married for half my lifetime. Wow, again.

Most of those who marry do so with the intention that the marriage will last for the rest of their lives. Sadly that is not always the case.

This year for Thanksgiving, I am delighted and grateful that we have made it this far and, “God willing and the creek don’t rise,” I look forward to many more years with the Rock-man!

Happy Thanksgiving, one and all!

The Wedding Design Studio Open House

2009-11-21T08:14:00.000-08:00

Don't miss the open house of The Wedding Design Studio!

The Wedding Design Studio is a comprehensive studio offering brides complimentary access to an extensive vault of wedding resources including the portfolios of handpicked wedding professionals, each carefully chosen based on their reputation for flawless style, innovative spirit and integrity.

The 3-day open house is December 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Mingle with St. Louis's most in-demand wedding professionals, browse inspiring portfolios and view the latest in table top design and couture wedding décor. Open house bonuses will run throughout the three day event including a magazine swap, color sample sets and free planning advice with a Proposing Dreams coordinator.

Hours for the Open House are Tuesday, Dec. 1st and Thursday, Dec. 3rd, 12pm to 5pm, and Wednesday, December 2nd, 12pm to 6pm with followed by a happy hour from 6pm to 7pm with complimentary drinks, hors d'oeuvres and giveaways!

The Wedding Design Studio is located at: 3520-1 Greenwood Blvd. Maplewood, MO 63143. For more information, email: info@theweddingdesignstudiostl.com.

St. Louis Ceremonies is proud to be a partner with The Wedding Design Studio. I hope to see you there!

Dominique and Michael

2009-11-10T11:46:00.000-08:00

They had a class together their first year of college. Stealing looks across the room, Mike noticed her exotic beauty and sense of style. Though drawn to her, he concluded she was way out of his league. Dominique saw his leather jacket, spiked hair, and heavy metal t-shirts- he looked cool even while on crutches after shattering his toe. She decided someone as “cool” as that would not be interested in such a “girlie” girl. The following year when they, coincidentally, moved into the same dorm and actually met, they discovered an immediate spark between them, became instant friends, and a few months later started dating. Apparently, the girlie girl was not way out of the cool dude’s league after all!

Dominique and Mike married on August 15, 2009 at The Magic Chef Mansion in a colorful outdoor ceremony, immediately followed by cool drinks and frozen fruit juice bars. The St. Louis heat and humidity did not dampen anyone’s enthusiasm for this ceremony uniting these two people so obviously in love!

Wedding planner Allison McDonald coordinated the day's events, while Susan Jackson Photography beautifully captured the ceremony and their delight in one another in the photographs you see here.

http://www.susanjacksonphoto.com/

http://www.magicchefmansion.com/

Help for Couples

2009-11-03T09:32:00.000-08:00

Now that I’ve explained that most Celebrants do not do marriage prep, I am going to recommend a book to anyone who is in a committed relationship and interested in a little help with keeping their relationship alive, healthy, and vibrant, whether they are newlyweds or have been together thirty years.

A few years back when I was teaching high school seniors, I asked one of my regular guest speakers if he had any background reading recommendations for me on the topic of "healthy marriage." Tim Jordan, M.D.* is a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician who graciously donated his time each semester to talk with my students about ways they could learn to take care of themselves as they moved through the stressful transition from high school to college. One of the books he recommended to me was, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

Reading this book is a terrific opportunity to learn healthy relationship skills that can greatly enrich the lives of couples in committed relationships. It is available in its 20th anniversary edition at most bookstores and online. My husband Rock and I have recently rediscovered it on our bookshelf and have begun working through the exercises together. My recommendation of this book is offered, not as a Celebrant, but as half of a married couple who always appreciates insights and support in developing a stronger, deeper, and more intimate marriage.

*For more information on the wonderful work with children and adolescents that Tim and Anne Jordan are doing, see www.weloki.com

Do You Do Marriage Prep?

2009-10-28T14:53:00.000-07:00

Recently I ran into someone I had not seen for a number of years. We were getting caught up with each other, asking questions like, “What are you up to these days?” When I explained my work as a wedding officiant and Celebrant, my friend asked a question I frequently get in such conversations. She asked if I was doing any marriage prep or counseling with the couples whose wedding ceremonies I perform. My answer always starts with, “No,” and it often includes lots of explaining.

First let me say that the majority of people with whom I have this conversation are either active Catholics or former Catholics. St. Louis is a very Catholic town! And my work history includes five years of college campus ministry in Catholic institutions and fifteen years of teaching theology at Catholic high schools. So most of these conversations have a Catholic framework and assumptions as a starting point.

For those of you who do not know, to be married in the Catholic church, a couple must meet certain specific requirements, including participation in one of a number of marriage prep activities sponsored by the Catholic church. It could take the form of a couples retreat (not at all like the movie!), a class, a workshop, or a sponsor couple program. One of the hopes for all of these programs is to help the couple take a good look at some of the realities of married life and to assess their own readiness to be married.

In the long run, one goal of these programs is to help couples avoid divorce in later years. Unfortunately, the last time I saw any studies on the subject, it appears that Catholics divorce at about the same rate as the rest of the population. This is not to say that these programs are not helpful to some or even most couples who participate in them. It is simply a suggestion that most current marriage preparation programs in general cannot possibly prepare couples for all of the complexities of married life between two very fallible human beings.

Of course, it isn’t only Catholics who require some sort of marriage prep for couples. There are many churches whose requirements for engaged couples include a minimum number of meetings with a minister or with people specifically involved in ministry to engaged couples.

Celebrants trained by the Celebrant Foundation and Institute do not require counseling, retreats, or workshops of the couples with whom we are planning weddings. Sure, we like to meet with the couple, but usually that meeting is a mutual interview where the couple gets to know us a little and we get to know them a little in an effort to decide if we will be a good match for one another. Once hired by a couple, our work as Celebrants is simply to design and officiate at customized ceremonies which help each couple celebrate their relationship and commitment as they see it.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that churches and ministers requiring some kind of marriage prep for engaged couples should change what they are doing. Not at all. I’m simply saying that Celebrants offer an alternative for couples who may prefer not to participate in such programs, and for couples who do not have a particular church affiliation at the time they decide to be married. And isn’t it always nice to have options? I think so.

Changed, Not Taken Away

2009-10-16T08:38:00.000-07:00

On their 40th wedding anniversary, Phil and June received a number of gifts from their family and friends. But there was one they particularly liked. It was a cheesy little plaque which simply said, “This marriage was made in heaven – and so were thunder and lightning!” They hung it on a wall in their home for all to see. Surely, anyone who knew them knew just how right-on it was.

After taking an early retirement a few years later, Phil finally had the time he had always longed for to pursue some of his interests and hobbies. As a professional photographer, he had an artistic imagination and a sharp eye for the aesthetic everywhere he looked. One of the things he had more time to look at was their yard. Although he was physically unable to do gardening, he still enjoyed the idea of a beautifully landscaped yard. Every winter and early spring as the gardening catalogues arrived in the mail, he imagined what the yard could look like if they planted this bulb, that shrub, those seeds.

June, though able bodied and energetic, was pursuing interests of her own which did not include spending a lot of time hanging around their house. After thirty plus years at home raising seven children, she was a woman on the go. “Don’t you dare order anything from those catalogues,” she warned him, “unless you are going to plant it yourself!” As far as she was concerned, that was that.

Early that summer, without any warning, Phil died suddenly from an aortic aneurism. After all of the usual rites of gathering family and friends to remember and mourn, June was left with her own private grief. Day by day, she slowly tended to the tasks of trying to make sense of her new life without Phil. As is normal for those early days, weeks, and months of grieving, she had her good days and her bad.

One day in late October of that same year, a package arrived in the mail from a seed store several states away. Curious, she immediately opened it. What she saw made her cry, then laugh, then shake her fist at Phil’s portrait grinning at her from the bookcase. The package sitting on her dining room table held bulbs and seeds, ordered by Phil that previous spring! It appeared that Phil had gotten the last word.

Or did he? The following spring, on April 21, one of June’s adult daughters called her from Phil’s graveside. It was his birthday, and she had gone to the cemetery to leave flowers there for her dad. When she arrived, she noticed that Phil’s grave was covered with a stunning display of blooming tulips. At first June pretended to be as surprised as her daughter. But she never was a very good liar, and so June proceeded to tell her daughter about the package which had arrived the previous autumn and how she had figured out just what to do with those bulbs Phil had ordered. A few weeks after the package had arrived, she took them to his grave and, after carefully looking around to make sure that no cemetery personnel were watching, June planted those bulbs on Phil’s grave with a triumphal, “Hah! Now who has the last word?”

But just then, after hanging up the phone, June realized that those tulip bulbs had come to mean something far greater to her than just another argument between her and Phil. To June, they had come to symbolize the nature of the change in their relationship. The previous autumn, when she had planted the bulbs, her grief was still raw and intense. What she had planted in the cemetery soil was not just a few bulbs, but with those bulbs all the complicated and mixed feelings that accompanied her grieving Phil’s death after forty-five years of their “thunder and lightning” marriage. What she had harvested six months later was not only the beauty of those tulips but a dawning appreciation for the reality that her relationship with Phil goes on, radically altered by death but not taken away. And, like the tulip that grows from a modest bulb, she could appreciate a beauty in their changed relationship now which she could not possibly have seen last autumn.

And she felt gratitude.

Spiritual But Not Religious?

2009-10-06T15:19:00.000-07:00

Something I hear with regularity from couples planning their weddings is that they are “spiritual but not religious.” Apparently, those who feel this way are not just talking to me. This past weekend, PARADE magazine published the results of their national poll on spirituality. In it, 24% of respondents considered themselves to be “spiritual but not religious.”

This can mean different things to different people. Although some people who say this are regular church goers wanting to signal a religious openness to other traditions and beliefs, most people I meet are not regular church attendees. Instead, they either do not currently practice any particular religious traditions, or they have combined practices from a number of different traditions to meet their personal spiritual needs.

Whatever it means to you, the good news is that celebrants trained by the Celebrant Foundation and Institute are ready to work with you on your wedding to create a ceremony that truly reflects your beliefs, whatever they are!

From Control to Celebration

2009-09-18T16:18:00.000-07:00

This morning I ran across something written by theologian Matthew Fox which made me think about the small but not insignificant role I see celebrants playing in the world today. Fox said,

We need the courage to leap from one edge to another – from contemplation to compassion; from I to We; from ladder to circle; from climbing to dancing; from control to celebration; from home as nation to home as global village.

Celebrants trained by the Celebrant Foundation and Institute approach each ceremony with a deep respect for the ones who have requested our services. Yes, we have the authority that accompanies training and experience. But an equal or even greater authority belongs to the individual, couple, family, or group for whom we are designing the ceremony. Working together we create a ceremony based on their needs, hopes, desires, and vision, not our own. The image of moving from a ladder model, where the officiant is always right, to a circle model, where the officiant/celebrant collaborates with people to create something meaningful , moves us from I to We; from control to celebration.

When I explain this to people, I am greeted with smiles and nods. So many of us have longed for these types of collaborations in order to celebrate life’s transitions, but we have not known how to do them or where to find them. Celebrants are helping people meet a very real need to create ceremonies to honor what they experience as sacred in their lives.

Sometimes the Best Things Come in Small Packages

2009-09-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

Stephen and Christina looked over the list of favorite unity rituals used by many contemporary brides and grooms. They all looked pretty good, but none of the rituals seemed to fit them as well as they would have liked. Then, with a little searching online, they found just what they were looking for: The Wooden Wedding Box.

A tradition which has made its way from Holland to the United States, The Wooden Wedding Box can be a delightful addition to any wedding ceremony. It is about the size of a small tool box, just large enough to hold a bottle of wine, two glasses, and two love letters.

This is how it works: The bride and groom compose a love letter to each other sometime before the wedding day. In the letters they are asked to write about the good qualities of their partner and the reasons they have fallen in love. Then they put the letters into the box either before or during the wedding ceremony, but they are instructed not to show the letter they have written to their partner.

During the wedding ceremony after the rings have been exchanged, the wedding officiant explains to the guests what the box is all about. She or he describes the contents of the box and its purpose. If the couple should find their marriage enduring serious difficulties, before making any irrational decisions they should open the box together, drink a glass of the wine, and then read the letters they have written to one another. Of course the hope is that the couple does not ever encounter such serious difficulties and that they are able to open the box, read the letters, and drink the wine on a big anniversary, perhaps ten, fifteen, or twenty-five years from now!

When the explanation is finished, the couple walks over to the table where the box is waiting for them. There they each take a small nail and take turns hammering the nail into a pre-drilled hole. When finished, the rest of the ceremony continues.

At Stephen and Christina's wedding, The Wooden Wedding Box Ceremony was acknowleged with smiles and nods of understanding by their guests. It seems that anyone who has ever been married understands the need to take time out now and then to remember and celebrate their love for one another.

If this sounds like a good option for your wedding ceremony, talk with your wedding minister or celebrant. For more information, see http://www.woodenweddingboxes.com .

Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!

2009-09-05T14:19:00.000-07:00

OK, maybe an auto museum is not the first place you might think of when imagining your ideal setting for a wedding. It wasn’t the first choice for Beth and Steve, either. But when circumstances arranged themselves in unforseen ways, the Kemp Auto Museum in Chesterfield was the best choice for their July 11 ceremony and reception.

On gleaming black floors, bathed in dramatic lighting, and surrounded by polished vintage autos, Beth and Steve enthusiastically pledged their love to one another in the company of family and friends. One of the perks they enjoyed by having their ceremony and reception at Kemp was the opportunity to pose for photos in some of the beautiful antiques. As you can see, ViewPlus Photo / Video captured the joy of their special day brilliantly.

The World Is Your Hometown

2009-08-29T14:57:00.000-07:00

My husband Rocky and I just returned from the Festival of Nations. This is an annual weekend-long event in Tower Grove Park celebrating the wealth of ideas, cultures and traditions of St. Louis’s immigrants. I dearly love this celebration of the newer members of our community, such as our Bosnian, Vietnamese, and Cajun neighbors; as well as the cultures and traditions which have been a part of our community for more than a hundred years, like the Germans, Irish, and African Americans of St. Louis.

Our main goal when we stopped by the festival was to have some lunch. We made our way down the row of thirty-nine food booths, mouths watering at the difficult decisions to be made between Somalian or Kurdish, Peruvian or Polish, Haitian or Soul Food, and oh so many more options still to come! As we searched for our lunch I was amazed at the numbers of people along the path. We were part of a constantly moving and growing stream of people who came to enjoy the sights, sounds, and flavors of our immigrant brothers and sisters.

Viewing this event with the eyes of a Celebrant, I see an emerging society where people from different backgrounds and cultures will look for meaningful opportunities to share their strengths and to celebrate their rich traditions. This is never truer than when people from different cultures begin to intermarry. Celebrants are trained to make use of rituals from diverse traditions, honoring the heritages of both families whose next generation wants to build a life together.

As I eat my Iranian lentils and rice, I look forward to countless opportunities to co-create wedding ceremonies with couples from rich and varied backgrounds, to celebrate the beauty and joy of their traditions as they join their lives in marriage.

A Treasure Found

2009-08-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

Some of the couples I work with choose to personalize their ceremonies by answering a series of questions about their relationship. This enables me to tell their story as a couple during their wedding or commitment ceremony. Each story is distinct, yet they all have something in common. At some point in the relationship, they discovered that they had found someone with whom they want to share love, and someone with whom they are willing to share their whole lives. And they are ready to take the chance that they will be able to live out those lofty marriage or commitment vows for the rest of their lives. No matter how many times I witness this, I find it absolutely stunning!

So, I figure I have one of the best jobs in the world. I have the privilege of learning a couple’s love story and then translating it into the ceremony so that all of their family and friends attending can celebrate that story with them. Each love story is unique, each love story is sacred. What a treasure human beings have found in one another when we commit ourselves to love.

Shall We Dance?

2009-08-07T11:35:00.000-07:00

Wedding ceremony = serious business. Wedding reception = fun. Really!?

I have been thinking a little more about that wild and crazy dance entrance for Jill and Kevin’s wedding (see previous blog entry “You Can Dance Right Through Your Life”). I don’t know how hard they worked to put it all together, but one of the things that appeals to me about this dancing bridal party is that they make it look so effortless and like they are having a whole lot of fun. And why not have some fun at the ceremony, rather than saving it all the for the reception?

Something like a dancing entrance procession certainly doesn’t have to take away from the important and sacred event that is taking place in making marriage vows to one another. Marriage is both a serious commitment and an occasion of great joy that two people have decided to join their lives together to create this thing called “couple” and “family.” Isn’t it possible that many of our modern wedding ceremonies could benefit from a few more expressions of joy?

Of course, I realize that not every couple could or would want to have a dancing bridal party entrance for a variety of reasons, including the fact that many people are just too embarrassed to dance! But there are many other ways that you could introduce a little lightness and even playfulness to offer balance to the very serious business of making a lifetime commitment. This could include anything from warming up your guests with a sing-a-long of corny love songs before the ceremony begins, to blowing bubbles as the bride and groom take their walk down the aisle at the end of the ceremony as newlyweds. The possibilities are as endless as your creativity!

If something like this is appealing to you, talk with your celebrant about your interest in lightening up your wedding ceremony. Most will be eager to work with you to create just the right ceremony for you.

You Can Dance Right Through Your Life

2009-08-01T14:28:00.000-07:00

A little dancing can go a long way. Like a lot of people, I recently became aware of a video on You Tube of a magnificent wedding ceremony entrance, danced by each and every member of the wedding party of Jill and Kevin. You can find other dancing wedding parties on You Tube, but this one has had so many hits that a little over a week ago the Today Show featured them recreating their dancing entrance live.

Whatever the reason for the video’s broad appeal, bride and groom Jill and Kevin have decided to share some of the positivity they have experienced as a result of their video’s popularity by encouraging viewers to donate to a cause close to their hearts. You can now see their dancing bridal party at http://www.jkweddingdance.com/ While there, the newlyweds ask you to consider donating to the Sheila Wellstone Institute which advocates and organizes efforts to end domestic violence in our communities.

I salute you, Jill and Kevin, as you share your joy with the world wide web and with those in need!

Afternoon Delight

2009-07-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

Anne and Bryan wanted a small and simple wedding ceremony and that’s just what they got. I met with them and about sixteen family members in the courtyard of the Church of St. Michael and St. George under overcast skies late in the afternoon on July 4.

Thankfully we did not need the umbrellas which photographer Marcie Cobbaert of mar-Cshots had on stand-by, should the skies have opened up as predicted. The smiling bride and groom brightened the whole courtyard with their absolute delight in one another. We were the lucky ones to share in their joy!

Confronting Wedding Preparation Anxiety

2009-07-17T06:23:00.000-07:00

I work with a lot of anxious brides, grooms, and other wedding stakeholders who are busily preparing for the BIG DAY. Or really, the BIG DAYS, as more and more wedding activities are packed into the days leading up to and following the actual day of the wedding itself. Dealing with the details and demands of such things is enough to make a grown person want to curl up in a ball and produce a high-pitched cry, at the very least!

I’m not a therapist, but my social worker husband is. Rock sees many clients who suffer from panic attacks. One of the first things he suggests they do when feeling anxiety closing in on them is to ask themselves one question about the situation: “Is this danger or discomfort?” It is a deceptively simple question, but one that often gets to the heart of the moment and helps them to regain perspective.

For example, when Trish learned three days before her wedding that her dress would not be finished in time for her wedding day, she could have done that curling up in a ball thing. Or started drinking heavily. Instead, recognizing that this was certainly an uncomfortable situation, but not one that endangered her life or anyone else’s, she chose to go to a concert that night with her fiancé and some friends who were in town for the wedding. Her mom and aunts went shopping for wedding dresses that night, picked out four dresses in her size and brought them home. The next day Trish tried them all on, chose the one she liked best, and went on with her other wedding preparations. Was it her ideal dress? No. Did she have a fantastic wedding day anyway? Yes, because she was able to keep her perspective.

Of course, many situations are more complicated than this example. But most of us can benefit from any tool that can help us to take a little time out to reconsider things from a new perspective, rather than the one that has thrown us into a panic.

So, the next time things aren’t going the way you had hoped and you feel the panic starting to rise up inside you, try asking yourself, “Is this danger or discomfort?” and see if the answer doesn’t shed some new light on the moment. This one little question can go a long way toward helping you deal with the inevitable stresses that accompany wedding preparations today.

Wed on the Fourth of July?

2009-07-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

When I mentioned to a friend that I had a wedding scheduled for the Fourth of July, he joked that July 4, “Independence Day” seemed a better day for a divorce ceremony than for a wedding ceremony. I suppose on the surface that would appear to be true. But if you look again and consider some other angles on July 4 as a wedding day option, maybe it will make a little more sense.

For example, when someone marries, that person becomes independent from the tyranny of the modern dating scene. I’ll admit, I’ve been married more than a few years and I don’t know first-hand what it’s like out there these days. But the reports from friends who have dated or who have tried to date recently are not so good. When you marry a true friend and life partner, you are free to put all of that craziness of dating behind you!

OK, maybe that's stretching it a bit.

On a more serious note, let’s consider for a moment the signers of the Declaration of Independence back on that hot summer day in 1776 Philadelphia. What they did that day took tremendous courage. They put it all on the line when they signed that document. If caught by the British, they could have been hung for treason. Yet they took that chance because they believed that their actions could eventually provide a better life for all Americans. Of course, there were no guarantees that the American experiment would succeed, but they took the chance anyway.

So, too, with marriage. There are no guarantees that the two people getting married so enthusiastically today are going to have a good marriage tomorrow. In fact, statistically speaking, there seems to be about as good a chance for an unsuccessful marriage as there is for a successful one. But every day people step up and proclaim in front of family and friends that they are going to love and honor this one other person for the rest of their lives. In making the choice for a committed relationship, a person can find a certain freedom to move forward in sharing their journey of life with another human being. Are they taking a chance? You bet. Is it worth it? Well, I guess you’ll have to ask them, for the answer will likely vary from person to person.

Then again, on a less serious note, for some couples, the choice to wed on the Fourth of July could be based on something as simple and delightful as my experience a few years ago while attending my cousin’s July Fourth wedding. The wedding ceremony was lovely, the dinner was delicious, and now as the sun was setting it was time to go out on the deck for the local fireworks display. We were served champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries as the fireworks exploded over our heads. For those of us at the wedding, the fireworks were a fantastic way to celebrate both the birthday of our country and the beginning of a marriage. Not a bad reason for having a July Fourth wedding, now is it?

Important Questions to Ask of Your Wedding Officiant

2009-07-02T12:25:00.000-07:00

Choosing your wedding officiant can be a difficult job, one that many couples postpone as long as possible. Yet, if you are going to have a wedding that is personalized, customized, and reflects who you are as a couple, the choice of your officiant is key to making that happen. What follows is a list of questions to ask of your wedding officiant, suggested by the Celebrant Foundation and Institute, in order to make sure that the officiant you choose is a good fit.

How do you create the ceremony? Do we have final approval over the script? Ideally, the officiant should collaborate with you every step of the way so that the ceremony is tailor-made for you. Don't let a boilerplate ceremony be imposed on you.

When will you arrive? The officiant should be available at least 45 minutes before the ceremony in order to run through any last minute changes, and to coordinate details with readers, musicians, photographers and videographers.

Does your fee include a full rehearsal at the wedding venue? Many officiants don't rehearse, but a full rehearsal is important for a beautifully choreographed ceremony and for calming last-minute nerves.

Can we vary the traditional choreography of a wedding? You may wish to face your guests rather than the officiant, or have the officiant stand to the side instead of between you and your spouse. Make sure your officiant is open to these suggestions.

What training do you have in creating and officiating at ceremonies? Many officiants have no specific training. Look for those who have a sound background in the history of ritual and ceremony, knowledge of wedding traditions around the world, the ability to manage and choreograph a wedding party, and experience in public ceremonial speaking.

Will you work with our other wedding professionals? The officiant should coordinate as needed with musicians to provide music cues for the ceremony, with photographers and videographers to assist them in getting the best shots, and with the staff of your venue to ensure that the ceremony will not conflict in any way with their requirements.

Add your own questions to this list as you prepare to interview prospective officiants. When you find the answers you are looking for, you will have found someone you can trust to work with you to create a wedding ceremony that is just right for you!

A Healthy Marriage - REALLY?

2009-06-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

These past few days yet another politician is publically apologizing for marital infidelity. Yikes! Between media coverage of celebrity marriages, divorces, and all the associated drama, and the many other images of struggling marriages in film and on TV, it would be easy to get the idea that real, live, healthy marriages don’t actually exist. Well, rumor has it, they do!

Recently I met with an engaged couple at a local coffee venue to talk about their wedding ceremony, as I do so often at the beginning of a collaboration with a bride and groom. In our conversation we covered a lot of territory. I took copious notes and after we had finished they left, only to turn around in the parking lot and promptly return. Oh, yeah, they said, “We want to include an acknowledgement and expression of gratitude to our parents for modeling what healthy marriages looks like.”

How cool is that? Not only that both sets of parents have been able to model healthy relationships for their children, but that their children, who are now adults planning to be married, recognize the powerful influence that their parents have been in their ability to choose marriage with confidence. "We can definitely work that into the ceremony!", I told them.

Meanwhile, do you think we could get some media coverage? I suppose there’s always YouTube…

The Gift of Waiting

2009-06-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

Wow, a lot of us are in a hurry these days! We rush from here to there and from there to someplace else, multi-tasking as we go along, hardly stopping to take a breath. A brief but important episode at Leah and Kyle’s recent wedding served to remind me of the value and gift of slowing down and, yes, waiting!

I was standing with Kyle as Leah and her father approached, walking down a beautiful long path through Rau Garden in St. Charles. Pachelbel’s Canon was being played by the musicians. When Leah and her dad arrived at the front, the musical piece was only about half finished. I recalled that we had briefly discussed this possibility at the rehearsal. At that time the bride and groom had agreed that the music should just run its course; they would be in no hurry.

And, so, here we were, waiting, waiting, and waiting for the music to end. Awkward giggles, sweat, sideways glances, and a few tears were shed. Although a little uncomfortable, this waiting, it also provided an opportunity for the wedding ceremony’s participants to soak in the moment, THIS MOMENT, and to be a little more aware of the momentous shift that was taking place in their own lives and in the lives of one another. Come to think of it, isn't that one of the purposes of a ceremony in the first place?

When the music ended and Leah released her father’s arm to take Kyle’s hand, the symbolic moment of moving from one way of being as single people, to a new way of being as a married couple, was very likely more deeply appreciated because we had been required to wait for it. And it was definitely worth the wait!

Send in the Clowns?

2009-06-11T16:11:00.000-07:00

Last week National Public Radio’s All Songs Considered asked listeners to send in stories about the least appropriate songs they’ve ever heard at a wedding. Well, the results are in and you may enjoy them at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105250727 .

Home Is Where the Heart Is

2009-06-09T14:20:00.000-07:00

As a child growing up in the days before VCRs, DVD players, and cable TV, I looked forward to the yearly opportunity to watch The Wizard of Oz when it was broadcast on network television. Besides the fact that the tornado footage frightened me even more than the witch and her flying monkeys, I always got completely caught up in Dorothy’s adventures as she and her friends followed that yellow brick road.

Near the end of the story, Dorothy is sent back from Oz to Kansas after she closes her eyes and repeats, “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” When she awakens in her bedroom surrounded by her family, one of the lessons Dorothy says she has learned is that if she ever wants to go looking for her heart’s desire, she will look no further than her own backyard. As a child I never knew what she meant by that. Recently, though, I thought of Dorothy, her heart’s desire, and of what we can find in our own backyards. And then I thought of Katie and Jered’s wedding.

This past weekend, I officiated at a wedding ceremony for Katie and Jered. During the months in which we discussed their ceremony script, there were many things I learned to enjoy about them as a couple. But one of the loveliest things about the ceremony itself was the significance of the location.

Katie and Jered had decided early on in their planning that they wanted to have their wedding ceremony in the backyard of her parents’ home, which used to be her grandparents’ home. They decided to do this, at least in part because this is the same backyard where, thirty-three years ago this month, Katie’s parents Bob and Maggie were married.

At wedding ceremonies we celebrate, among other things, that two people have found someone with whom they can share their hearts and make a home. Of course, Katie and Jered and Bob and Maggie did not find their heart’s desire in that backyard, but it was there that they celebrated the treasure, the desire of their hearts, found in one another. What a fabulous reminder that our love for one another is truly sacred, right in the midst of our everyday lives, even in our own backyards.

Just An Old-Fashioned Love Song?

2009-06-02T19:24:00.000-07:00

It seems that everyone has an opinion to offer regarding wedding songs. While listening to National Public Radio this afternoon, I heard listeners invited to submit stories about inappropriate songs heard at weddings. When I visited the blog, it turns out that they are interested in your favorite wedding party songs, as well.

Join in the fun at http://www.npr.org/blogs/allsongs/2009/05/top_ten_wedding_party_songs_1.html

Honoring the Deceased in Your Wedding Ceremony

2009-05-30T14:17:00.000-07:00

Weddings are filled with memories and emotions for most of their participants. This is especially true if someone who was close to the bride or groom has died, and even more so if the death occurs within a few months of the date of the wedding.

For this reason, I always ask couples if there is someone whom they would like to remember in their ceremony. This can be done by simply mentioning the name of those who have died as part of the introductory remarks. Some couples prefer that I add a few words about the one who has died, describing the significant role she or he played in their lives. Other couples place photos in the ceremony area, light candles, or have special flowers in memory of those who have died.

At Dana and Mark’s wedding last September, Dana chose to have her father’s saxophone up front in the ceremony area as a symbolic representation of his spirit. Personal touches like this can help you to symbolize your ongoing connection to the one who has died.

Whatever you may choose to do, the goal is not to distract from a joyful celebration of a marriage, but to acknowledge the love and significance of those who, though deceased, continue to be alive in the hearts and minds of the bride and groom and their families.

Green Is Beautiful

2009-05-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

We are living in a time of rising eco-consciousness, which is just fine with me. Every aspect of our lives needs to be examined, possibly challenged, and often changed so that we may all learn how to live in a more sustainable way, thus ensuring a healthy planet for future generations.

And this includes weddings. For many of us, considering the environmental impact of our actions is still new and unfamiliar territory. Thankfully, there are plenty of people who have been giving this subject lots of thought. Search for “green weddings” on the web and you will see what I mean.

I was delighted to discover that one of the couples at whose wedding ceremony I will be officiating in June is among those who are leading the way for the rest of us. Leah’s blog not only has suggestions for brides and grooms who want to make their weddings a little greener, but she also rates the suggestions in terms of which are the most economical. Enjoy!

http://www.greenweddingonabudget.blogspot.com/

Flower Power

2009-05-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

Last year in May I officiated at a wedding which was running late due to a sudden nasty storm that blew in at exactly the wrong moment. It took about forty-five minutes for the venue staff to move things indoors and for the DJ to dry off his equipment. Mostly everyone took it in stride, although I know it was a little bit stressful for the bride and groom. Overall, the wedding party was able to adjust to the changes easily enough.

Except for the flower girl. When it came time for her to walk down the much shorter aisle than what had been rehearsed outside, she carefully walked forward, took petals one at a time out of her basket and dropped them to the floor. When she arrived at the front of the room where the bridal party was assembled, she turned around and started back down the aisle, still carefully taking one petal at a time from her basket. She was half way to the back of the room when I realized what she was doing. She thought that her job would not be finished until she had emptied the basket completely of those rose petals. And, by golly, she was going to do just that! So when she got to the back of the room, she turned around again to head up the aisle. Well, by this time we were all grinning and giggling, and some of the guests started snapping photos of this very serious and conscientious flower girl. When she got to the front a second time, her mother intervened and the bride was finally able to make her long-awaited appearance.

This lovely young lady was just another reminder that when children are a part of a wedding ceremony, you should be ready for anything to happen! If you prefer that things be predictable or more formal, then you may want to think twice before including children in your wedding party. It can become way too stressful for both you and the child. But if you can go with the flow and are open to the surprises (and delights) that children in weddings can bring, then by all means include them in your ceremony!

Outdoor Weddings, Again?

2009-05-19T18:05:00.000-07:00

Well, just when I was ready to move on from this topic, I read Nina Callaway’s “10 Tips for the Perfect Outdoor Wedding: Avoiding Outdoor Wedding Pitfalls” on the About.com website. She does a great job of reminding anyone planning an outdoor wedding of things that you need to consider so that everyone can enjoy your special day.

Check it out at http://weddings.about.com/cs/weddinglocations/a/outdoorwedding.htm

From the Sacred to the Mundane: Outdoor Weddings, Part Deux

2009-05-15T13:18:00.000-07:00

OK, so a few years back I attended an outdoor wedding that took place at high noon in 95-degree heat on the first Saturday in July at a city in the lower Midwest. The concept was creative and a little risky: the bridesmaids and the bride arrived by canoe, one at a time on the shore of a peaceful lake. The rest of us, the guests, Celebrant, groomsmen and groom all waited patiently in the hot sun, waving away the buzzing insects with the thoughtfully provided fans.

What was in short supply, however, was shade. Someone’s grandfather, in a wheelchair and with his portable oxygen supply, wasn’t looking so good, even before the bride made it to the shore. As for me, the redhead-by-nature with super-pale skin: I kept hoping for a quick ceremony so I could rush back to the shade and AC of my ’97 Chevy Prizm.

Well, as it turns out, the bride and bridesmaids arrived without a hitch, and the wedding ceremony itself was just lovely. But my experience as a guest at this ceremony informs me now as I talk with couples who are planning outdoor ceremonies. I encourage them to go ahead and plan the wedding of their dreams, but be sure to consider the needs of their guests in the process. Tents, pavilions, parasols, fans, and even providing sunscreen can go a long way toward helping everyone relax and celebrate your big day when you have chosen the great outdoors to be your wedding chapel!

Outdoor Weddings

2009-05-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

I never cease to be amazed at the beauty of nature, especially in the seasons of transition, fall and spring. I suppose that’s why so many couples prefer to be married outside, even couples who aren’t necessarily the “outdoorsy” types. You just can’t beat Mother Nature’s décor!

Yet, I suspect there might be something else going on, as well. Once, while riding on a ski lift with a friend, both of us were absolutely awestruck by the majesty of the Rocky Mountains. She commented softly, “It’s hard to not believe in God in a place like this.” The sense of the sacred was inescapable.

Perhaps celebrating wedding ceremonies outdoors helps many of us to recognize the sacred act being performed when two people join their lives in committed love. The beauty and peacefulness that so many of us experience in nature helps us to quiet our noisy lives for a moment or two, hopefully long enough to see a glimpse of the sacred in this powerful moment between these two human beings taking the leap of faith that is a marriage.

Whose Wedding Is It, Anyway?

2009-05-08T07:11:00.000-07:00

One of the most helpful pieces of advice Rock and I received when preparing for our own wedding was from Fr. Peter, the priest who did our marriage prep work with us. One day he said to us, “You know, this isn’t your wedding.” “What are you talking about? Of course, it’s our wedding!” I responded, in my usual knee-jerk fashion. Peter then went on to describe some of the emotional and psychological stuff going on for just about anyone attending any wedding, but especially for family members and close friends of the couple getting married. For our parents, it is their daughter’s/son’s wedding; for our siblings, it is their sister’s/brother’s wedding; and so on. Our wedding was a big deal to those who were close to us, but for different reasons than it was a big deal to us.

Beginning to see his point, I wondered what could be done about it. Peter helped us to see that we could not do anything about the way people were feeling, but that planning our ceremony with awareness and sensitivity to these dynamics and needs could go a long way in making it a better service for everyone. Being headstrong and terribly sure of myself at the time, I’m not sure how good a job we did in following through on Peter’s advice in planning our own wedding ceremony. But remembering this perspective did help us to navigate some of the more interesting behaviors that emerged from a few family members during the days leading up to and including our wedding day.

These days I find that I am deeply impressed with the couples I have worked with as a Celebrant. So many of them really do make a great effort to honor the needs and traditions of their families of origin, while still being true to themselves as a couple. And what is lovely about a Celebrant wedding is that you have all the options in the world to work with to create just the right ceremony for you!

Getting Started

2009-05-05T14:10:00.000-07:00

For a Celebrant, a website is a way of hanging out a sign; it is her or his announcement to the world saying, “Hey, I’m open for business!” It has taken me three years since discovering Celebrancy to get to this point. But oh, what an interesting and delightful time it has been!

It was spring 2006 when I first noticed an ad in a magazine for the Celebrant Foundation and Institute. Above a photo of a couple getting married and their Celebrant, the ad boldly proclaimed, “Live the Art of Life: Become a Celebrant.” (See www.celebrantusa.org for more info.) I stared at the ad, felt an excitement stirring deep down inside me, and thought to myself, “This is so cool! I could do that! I would completely enjoy doing that!” I showed the ad to my husband and said, half jokingly, “Hey, Rock, look at what I’m going to do with the rest of my life!” Then I put the magazine down and calmly went back to preparing for the next day’s classes, the type of preparation every high school teacher knows so well.

A few days later, while reading a different magazine, I saw the same ad. Hmmm. Again, I felt that deep stirring within me, but this time I decided to pay better attention. When I talked about it with my husband later that day, I wasn’t so flippant. It was the beginning of a conversation which continues to this day. Three Celebrant Foundation courses, a job change, a move, three memorial services, and a dozen weddings later here I am, a Celebrant. Becoming a Celebrant has changed my life for good, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

From There to Here

2009-05-04T09:57:00.000-07:00

Most people getting married have not done so before. As first-timers, they look for help to websites, magazines, wedding planners, and other sources of expertise such as friends who have gotten married already. It definitely takes a lot of help to put together a wedding.

So, too, for me in starting my first website, http://www.ruthellenhasser.com/ . I have had lots and lots of assistance and coaching from some truly fantastic people. They have gotten me to this point and without them, well, I guess I’d be somewhere else!

At the risk of missing someone important, I would like to thank Paul, Jennifer, Annemarie, Kathleen, Zoe, Hannah, Erin, Anna, Julia, Andrew, and all of the couples who offered testimonials and photos. Most especially, I am grateful to my husband Rocky, who has been my most ardent cheerleader from day one. From the bottom of my heart, thanks to you all!